Weakness

Kylie has caught diarrhea and high grade fever these past few days. Thank God there has been an improvement now. Fever is gone and the diarrhea is not as frequent as before. Two of the hardest parts when a baby in her age is sick are: (1) they don’t want to take medicine, and (2) they don’t want to eat anything. And these two are a big NO-NO when a baby has high grade fever and diarrhea. Kylie didn’t want to take medicine (paracetamol) for her fever. High grade fever can be very dangerous if not monitored and maintained in a certain level. For diarrhea, her pediatrician told us to just let it all be flushed out from her body so no medicine for that but we should give her lots of fluids to keep her from dehydrating. And this was really a challenge because Kylie lost her appetite (due to diarrhea itself) and doesn’t want to drink anything – water, milk, juice, electrolytes fluid like 100Plus and others. Because of this, the tough dad Jay-ar decided to force her to take milk and medicine using a syringe (of course without the needle silly!). The tough dad wanted me to hold Kylie tightly while he will hold her cheeks and force her to take the medicine or milk (whatever it was she needed to take). I never thought that Kylie had so much strength especially that she was ill that time but boy, she did give a good fight! I didn’t want to hold her too tight because I was afraid I might hurt her. Then the tough dad said we need to switch task because I was not doing mine properly. So he wanted me to force the syringe to Kylie’s mouth while he holds her. I said I can’t. I was afraid I might hurt her mouth trying to force the syringe. So this tough dad, seeing that I was no good at this, called Kylie’s nanny to hold her. This was actually a relief for me. I told them, I will just give my moral support.

The truth is, it pains me to see Kylie being forced, crying, trying to break loose and suffer. It’s like she’s begging us to stop. I can’t bear it. I know it’s for her own good and I’m glad that Jay-ar was tough enough to know what must be done. Well, at first I hated him for just saying that we needed to force Kylie. For me, he seemed so uncompassionate and hardhearted and I didn’t agree at first but then if I try to be objective about it, I knew that he’s just doing what was necessary. I’m glad that he’s unlike me – weak. :(

Last January, when Kylie was admitted to the hospital for some urine infection, they put dextrose on her. Her nanny was telling me how pitiful my baby was – crying and screaming while the nurses inject the needle in her tiny veins. I was not there when that was done. I was in the office because it was only supposed to be a check-up (Jay-ar and the nanny took Kylie to the hospital) then the doctor decided to have her admitted for better observation. I was having mixed emotions back then. I was a bit glad that I was not there because I didn’t have to see my baby suffer but at the same time, I wish I was there coz I knew she needed her mummy in times like that for love, support and comfort.

I know it is normal for mothers not wanting to see their child being hurt but I also know that I should be tough for my baby. And that I should always be there for her especially in times of her hardships and to be strong for her and tell her that everything will be okay.

And from now on, I will be like that. It’s not easy but I will do it for her. After all, it is from her where I am getting my strength to face the world. I love her so much. ♥ ♥ ♥

Mummy & Kylie when little angel was hospitalized last January

Before I was a mother

... everything is about me. My hopes, my dreams, my life. When Kylie came into my life, my whole universe revolve around her. All my hopes and dreams were suddenly for her and about her. It's not easy to be a mother. But I will never ever ever exchange that for anything else. It's the best thing in the world. The best smell is the smell of my baby. The best feeling is when I see her smile. Being a mother (parent) is the best thing that can happen to a person. And you've been missing a lot if you don't understand what I am sayin'.

Good Morning!

Kylie is really REALLY the cutest! :-)

By Choice.

Last night, I came from work @ 12mn. My team leader went home early and one teammate and myself were left in the office when the system encountered problem. So both of us fixed the problem and did some data recovery. We finished around 11.30 pm. It was so tiring because I am not used to working this late already.

Around 10 pm, while we were doing some data recovery, my teammate told me that I can leave already. He said, I can left him and he will finish the job. I told him that I will help him finish it. He said, it was okay because I have a baby and my baby will be waiting for me. It was a tempting offer but I felt it would be unprofessional to accept his offer so I decline. I stayed until the job is done.

When I reached home, my Kylie was sleeping already. I felt guilty because every night when I go home from work and everytime she sees me, the smile on her face is priceless. I can see that she’s very happy to see me. Last night, I did not see that smile and I was not able to give her that happiness.

Then I came to realize that it is really very difficult to work and be a mother @ the same time (though this is common already). Especially that my kind of work is very demanding. I have to choose - to be a mother who is there for my baby or to be a hard core employee who works her ass off. If I ask for more work, there will be more demands and to be able to cope up with these work demands means that I will have less time to give for my baby’s needs. Priorities must now be set, because in reality, work-life balance is really difficult to come by.

I have realized that I like it this way. Less demanding job means more time for my family and that should be the equation for a working mom like me, not the other way around.

Kylie The Cute! :)

Need I say more? :)

Quickie One

I was inspired to do a quick post while reading new updates from lui's blog. So here I am doing a quick one at work.

I am working again. Yes, same company (HP), different project, different teammates, different location, different client but same boss. I started working again last Aug 16 and so far so good. My office location is about 5-10 mins by taxi from my place. So far, this project is not as hectic as my last project in another client and I really really really hope that it will stay that way.

Kylie is now 3.5 months and she's getting cuter and lovelier each day. I am glad I have a baby now. It really changed a real good deal of things in my life and these changes made me a better me. I am now more inspired in doing things and seeing her smile literally takes away all the negative things around me. She's a real angel.

Next Sunday will be Kylie's baptismal here in KL. We initially planned to have her baptized in the Philippines when we go home this coming December but she will be 8 months by then. Since in our norm (Catholics), the younger the child is, the better, we have decided to have her baptized here then another one in December in PH with our friends and families. There will just be a small get together in our place after her baptismal here in KL to have a small celebration.

Well, I guess that's it so far.. Nothing much is happening. And btw, I am now on facebook... Hehehe! I’d like to play some of the apps there like FarmVille or MafiaWars but I’m afraid to get addicted and will have no time for Kylie so I dare not to try it. So I just use FB to connect with friends and share pics. Hehehe!

Ta-ta for now!

Kylie and Her New Ride

Many people say she's big for her age. She's only 2.5 months here. We are so blessed to have a healthy, normal and pretty baby girl :) She does not want her big stroller so we bought her a smaller one. Look how comfy she is. So comfy that she even falls asleep in it.

Me Luv Dadi

Look at where her finger is pointing to. Hehehe!

xoxo

My Fair Share of Being a Drama Queen

This happened quite a while ago when Kylie was only 5 days old. From the day of my delivery up until Kylie was 5 days old, I felt this pain in the lower right part of my abdomen. At first, I did not mind it as I thought it was just a normal pain due to my delivery. But as days passed by, the pain became worse. My mom-in-law was so concerned and suggested that I need to see a doctor. She said it could be "appendicitis".

So together with Jay-ar, I went to the hospital where I had given birth. It was a sunny afternoon of May 1. Since it was holiday, only the general/family doctor was around. I was so ignorant about how serious illness the appendicitis is that I even suggested to the doctor that I might be suffering from it. The doctor pressed the lower right part of my abdomen and asked me "does this hurt?" I said "yes" and I think I exaggerated my facial expression a bit that he assumed that I was in so much pain. Then he came up with his diagnosis and he told me "yes, this could be appendicitis". After that, he told me that I need to be confined for 2-3 days because I need to be operated on the same day. I was so shocked hearing that. I did not know that it was that serious! The doctor explained to me that if it is indeed an appendicitis I was suffering from, he could not afford not to let me go through an operation. That was the only time I realized how serious it is. I told the doctor that I cannot be confined because there is a baby waiting for me at home and that I am breastfeeding her. But the doctor insisted that I must be operated. Then I started crying in front of him and kept on repeating that I cannot do it because my baby needs me and then I cried and I cried and the doctor was consoling me, which lasted for few minutes. Jay-ar was so tough that he told the doctor that we will do what needs to be done.

When we went out of the doctor's room, I was still crying and the other patients waiting for their turn were staring at me thinking what could my illness be. Even until the time when Jay-ar was taking care of my confinement, I was sitting at the waiting area and still crying. I think the doctor was also thinking I was overreacting because he kept on telling me that it will just be a small operation and that many people had gone thru the same procedure. Well, I thought so too. Blame it to PPD. But I had valid reasons to be upset. For one, I had just given birth 5 days ago for crying out loud! My body was then still recovering. Another thing, I was crying because I was thinking of my 5-day old baby girl. I will not be with her for 3 days! For me, that is unbearable. Even though my mom-in-law was there to take care of her, I still felt sad knowing that I won't get to see her for 3 days.

Naturally, before any doctor would cut anyone's flesh for operation, they need to be sure that they are doing the right thing right? And I will not let myself be operated solely based on the verdict of a family doctor, who did not do anything but to press my abdomen and see if it hurts. The family doctor referred me to a specialist who will carry out my operation who, fortunately, was just around the hospital doing some operation.

It was around 6 pm that the specialist doctor was able to see us. He said I need to be CT scanned so we can be sure of what my illness really is. But since the department who will do the CT scan was closed that day, I was scheduled to have it the next day and I did not have a choice but to spend the night in the hospital. So to cut the story short, the next day, I had gone through a CT scan and they found nothing wrong with my appendix. And my illness turned out to be a UTI, which most women who had just given birth suffer from. No need for an operation and the doctor just gave me antibiotic that's safe for the baby because I am breastfeeding. After my CT scan, we just waited for the result then we headed home. I was telling Jay-ar on our way home that I had a big mouth. It was me who actually suggested to the family doctor that I could be suffering from appendicitis and I think the doctor just got worried that if I really had appendicitis and he let me go and my appendix burst, the blame will be on him that is why he really insisted for an operation. Good thing I have a medical card so we did not pay for anything and good thing I only needed to stay in the hospital for one night and one day.

And until now, Jay-ar is still teasing me about that incident - on how drama queen I could be! :)

On Motherhood

2 hours lang ako nag labor... No sweat diba? hehehe! Sa totoo lang 'masarap' manganak! Ang mahirap ay mag labor... Pero compared sa ibang mga nanganak na, mas smooth at mas mabilis ang labor at panganganak ko... Nung nag bubuntis din ako, no sweat din.. Walang morning sickness, walang weird cravings... as in parang wala lang, lumalaki lang chan ko... hehehe! Pero nung nanganak na ko, sobrang nag adjust ako sa pag aalaga ng bata. Maraming times na gs2 ko na mag give up at ibalik ang anak ko chan ko... I admit na may mga times din na gusto ko na sya itapon... hehehe! Ang hirap pala mag alaga ng bata. Lalo na nung mga first few weeks ni Kylie, nde sya hiyang sa gatas nya kaya lagi sya nag loloko... iyak ng iyak at di makatulog. Gusto lagi karga at may times na kahit karga na at busog, iyak pa din ng iyak. Nde namin agad nalaman na dahil sa gatas kaya kung anu anu pa binili namin sa kanya... Bukod sa baby bouncer nya, binilan din namin sya ng duyan na pareho nyang ayaw tulugan. Dahil gs2 nya lagi karga sya, bumili din kami ng baby sling carrier. Then nung na realize namin na dahil sa gatas pala at pinalitan namin gatas nya, nag sisimula na syang bumait although ayaw nya pa din sa baby bouncer at duyan. Pero at least ngayun pwede na ko umupo kapag buhat ko sya. Dati kasi kapag nangangawit na ko kakatayo kapag buhat ko sya, uupo ako at iiyak sya with matching padyak padyak pa... O diba, bratinela in the making tlaga. Hehehe! Pero as I have said, unti unti nang nagiging okay na sya...

Most of the time pag may toyo si Kylie, tino-toyo din ako at ang kawawa ay si Jay-ar kasi sa kanya ko nabubuhos ang mga toyo ko. Hehehe! Anjan yung mga dialogue ko na "first and last baby na natin to!" sa sobrang hirap ko sa pag aalaga. May mga times na naiisip ko unfair. Kasi si Jay-ar, nagagawa nya pa din yung mga bagay na nagagawa nya dati nung wala pa kami anak... Para sakin, wala masyadong nag bago sa buhay nya. Samantalang ako, hindi ko na magawa yung mga bagay na dati kong nagagawa kasi 24/7 na ko kay Kylie. May times din na nag wish ako na sana 2 tao na lang ako para nagagawa ko yung gs2 ko gawin at the same time, ako pa din nag aalaga kay Kylie. So can relate na tuloy ako dun sa dialogue ni Vilma Santos sa movie na "Anak". Hehehe! Siguro kasi sa pag kakaron ng anak, dapat hindi ka lang physically prepared pero emotionally prepared ka din. Pero ngayun, I wouldn't trade taking care of my baby for anything else. Mas gs2 ko nga ako nag aalaga kay Kylie kasi nagagawa ko kung panu yung alaga na gs2 ko para sa kanya. Hindi ko na sya gs2 ibalik sa chan ko... In fact, I don't want to live without her. Nasa sistema ko na sya. Lalo na ngayun, masarap na sya alagaan kasi marunong na sya makipag kwentuhan. Hehehe! Lumalaki syang lalong cute! Sabi ko nga sa post ko sa baba, mahirap na masarap maging nanay. Pero yung hirap, nabubura na at nagiging sarap na kapag nginitian ka na ng baby mo :)

Marami na din ako na acquired na skills. Bukod sa mga basic skills ng pag aalaga ng bata na automatic kong nakuha nung nanganak ako, may ibang skills pa akong natutunan. Dati nung wala pa kong anak, ayaw ko bumuhat ng new born baby kasi feeling ko mababalian ko yung baby... Nung nanganak ako, parang alam ko na agad kung panu ko bubuhatin si Kylie. Galing no! Ipinanganganak ng nanay yung mga ganung skills kasama nung baby nya. Hehehe! Eto ang mga iba pang skills na natutunan ko.

1. Nasanay na ko manood ng TV ng walang sounds
2. Gumagaling na ko sa pag compose ng kung anu anung lullaby songs
3. Lumalakas na ang braso ko sa pagbuhat kasi ayaw nag papalapag ng aking kylie
4. Natuto na kong matulog ng every 30 mins. Swerte na kapag naka 2 hours at jackpot na pag naka 5 hours na tulog.
5. Natuto na din ako makipag kwentuhan kay JR ng pabulong. hehehe!
6. Natutunan ko na din na mag iba iba ng modulation ng boses
7. Syempre anjan na din yung expertise sa pagpapatahan ng iyak
8. Buti na lang nde tlaga ako malikot matulog kasi mabilis ko natutunan ang matulog ng nde gumagalaw.
9. Natutunan ko na din gamitin ang mga paa ko pag abot ng mga gamit tulad ng kumot, remote, unan, etc. etc. kapag ang dalawang kamay ko ay buhat si kylie
10.Malapit ko na ma-master ang matulog ng nakaupo o nakatayo! hehehe

Ayan lang naman ang nobela sa aking experience "so far" sa pagiging amateur mommy. Sa lahat ng mga hirap ko na naikwento ko sa pag aalaga ng baby, nde ako nag sisisi sa pagkakaron ng baby kasi na outweigh ng sarap ang hirap ng pag aalaga ng baby. Lalo na kapag ganito ka cute ang baby mo :)

Happy Birthday to Me!!! :)

Hmmm... Ganito pala ang feeling ng 24 yrs old... parang pareho lang din! hehehe!

And the best birthday gift ever is... She's a beauty personified!

The Gilagid Smile

It is Quiet Again

My one week of sanity is over. Mama, Danni and EJ left for Manila yesterday. Tahimik na naman sa condo. I will miss them! Buti na lang I have Kylie!

Photos of their visit here

Kylie's First Photo Shoot

More pictures here.

* * *

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there especially to my mommy Lhai!

* * *

Mama, Danni and EJ are here in Malaysia for one week! Weeeeeh! :)

When a Baby is Born, So is a Mother...

Name: Mikaela Yzabelle Taylan Suarez
Nickname: Kylie
Date of Birth: April 26, 2009 (Sunday)
Time: 12:27 PM
Hospital: Sentosa Medical Centre, Kuala Lumpur Malaysia
Weight: 2.5 kg
Height: 49 cm

Until now, it keeps me wondering what on earth have I done that is so noble to deserve the best angel from heaven.

Photos here.

Things I've Learned About Jay-ar :)

One of the things I enjoyed about Jay-ar's mom being here is that I have come to know things about Jay-ar that Jay-ar does not want to share with me. Why? Simply because I will use those info against him. Hahaha! You see, Jay-ar and I love to tease each other about each others bad traits, embarrassing moments, gross mannerisms and others. This is how we show affection to each other. And so, to Jay-ar’s dismay, whenever he’s not around for work, his mom will tell me stories about his childhood.

Read the rest of this post.

Can Hardly Wait!

Those people who know me closely know that patience is a virtue I do not have. I am a very impatient person (which sucks) and being in this "waiting game" is way out of my league. I want to give birth already! I want to see my baby already! I am bored! I miss my family! I'm having difficulty sleeping at night! And I am bored! (yeah, i intentionally repeated this one).

But then again, I want my baby to only come out when she's ready to be part of the earthling community. So yeah, I am a bit torn here or should I say confused. I want to wait but I can hardly wait!

Sheeesh.

Choco Mousse and Baby Red

Jay-ar bought me a food processor! How cool is that? Hehehe! I was trying to beat egg whites/creams manually (using whisk) but to no avail so he decided to buy me food processor. Today, I made a chocolate mousse. It taste yummy! It is now in the fridge and hoping that it would set properly. For lunch, we will be having steamed tilapia and of course, I will use my new food processor for the stuffing. I'm loving my new kitchen gadget.


*How to make Chocolate Mousse*

Ingredients:
2 eggs {separated}
50g cocoa powder
4 tablespoonful of warm water
1 tin Nestle Cream (170 g)
2 tablespoonful sugar

Procedure:
Mix the cocoa and sugar with water to make paste
Add the egg yolks
Beat mixture until creamy
Add Nestle cream
In another bowl, whisk egg whites until stiff then fold into chocolate mixture delicately
Pour into container then chill

It is that simple! I just put some strawberries on top for decoration. Hehehe!

* * *

My sister Yeng already had given birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl this morning. Both my sister and her new little angel are okay now and just taking rest at St. Luke's {baby's name is Red - short for Renei Danielle}. I'm glad they are both okay... Next up, it's my turn and hoping also that my baby and me will be okay. I know God will take care of both of us.

More Baby Stuff

Baby Kylie is so lucky and blessed. She won a baby showcase from Avent! Just kidding but I can also put it that way. Jay-ar's friend from London was so generous enough to send us these baby stuff for baby Kylie. We received the two-box package last week and I was so thrilled when I saw the baby things inside. Thanks to Dudon for all these baby stuff!