Weakness

Kylie has caught diarrhea and high grade fever these past few days. Thank God there has been an improvement now. Fever is gone and the diarrhea is not as frequent as before. Two of the hardest parts when a baby in her age is sick are: (1) they don’t want to take medicine, and (2) they don’t want to eat anything. And these two are a big NO-NO when a baby has high grade fever and diarrhea. Kylie didn’t want to take medicine (paracetamol) for her fever. High grade fever can be very dangerous if not monitored and maintained in a certain level. For diarrhea, her pediatrician told us to just let it all be flushed out from her body so no medicine for that but we should give her lots of fluids to keep her from dehydrating. And this was really a challenge because Kylie lost her appetite (due to diarrhea itself) and doesn’t want to drink anything – water, milk, juice, electrolytes fluid like 100Plus and others. Because of this, the tough dad Jay-ar decided to force her to take milk and medicine using a syringe (of course without the needle silly!). The tough dad wanted me to hold Kylie tightly while he will hold her cheeks and force her to take the medicine or milk (whatever it was she needed to take). I never thought that Kylie had so much strength especially that she was ill that time but boy, she did give a good fight! I didn’t want to hold her too tight because I was afraid I might hurt her. Then the tough dad said we need to switch task because I was not doing mine properly. So he wanted me to force the syringe to Kylie’s mouth while he holds her. I said I can’t. I was afraid I might hurt her mouth trying to force the syringe. So this tough dad, seeing that I was no good at this, called Kylie’s nanny to hold her. This was actually a relief for me. I told them, I will just give my moral support.

The truth is, it pains me to see Kylie being forced, crying, trying to break loose and suffer. It’s like she’s begging us to stop. I can’t bear it. I know it’s for her own good and I’m glad that Jay-ar was tough enough to know what must be done. Well, at first I hated him for just saying that we needed to force Kylie. For me, he seemed so uncompassionate and hardhearted and I didn’t agree at first but then if I try to be objective about it, I knew that he’s just doing what was necessary. I’m glad that he’s unlike me – weak. :(

Last January, when Kylie was admitted to the hospital for some urine infection, they put dextrose on her. Her nanny was telling me how pitiful my baby was – crying and screaming while the nurses inject the needle in her tiny veins. I was not there when that was done. I was in the office because it was only supposed to be a check-up (Jay-ar and the nanny took Kylie to the hospital) then the doctor decided to have her admitted for better observation. I was having mixed emotions back then. I was a bit glad that I was not there because I didn’t have to see my baby suffer but at the same time, I wish I was there coz I knew she needed her mummy in times like that for love, support and comfort.

I know it is normal for mothers not wanting to see their child being hurt but I also know that I should be tough for my baby. And that I should always be there for her especially in times of her hardships and to be strong for her and tell her that everything will be okay.

And from now on, I will be like that. It’s not easy but I will do it for her. After all, it is from her where I am getting my strength to face the world. I love her so much. ♥ ♥ ♥

Mummy & Kylie when little angel was hospitalized last January