God is Good

...all the time.

These past few days were hell for me. There were things that didn't go my way and I got so frustrated and depressed. So I prayed hard to God for Him to give me this and give me that; and do this for me and do that for me; and I prayed sooo hard so that my prayers will be heard. But then nothing happened. And because I am only human, I became more depressed and frustrated. And I started to ask God why this and why that.

Then last night, I can't take it anymore so I broke down and cried. When Jay-ar saw me crying, he hugged me and asked me why... I told him that I feel so sad and unblessed. I prayed so hard for some things but my prayers were not answered. Then Jay-ar told me that I should not be sad because we are leaving for Manila next week and that we are going to spend Christmas with family and friends and that my whole family will be visiting us next month so there is nothing to be sad about. He reminded me of all the blessings we have, that we are together here in Malaysia and both of us has decent work here and that we will be having our church wedding on February and then the list goes on… He told me that I should not be so sad about those things because they are not that bad as they seem. He explained to me everything that I need to know.

While I was listening to him, I slowly came back to my senses. All he said is true. He made me realized that things are not as bad as I see them. As in OMG! It was actually like it was God who was talking to me because all the questions I had for Him were answered and explained by Jay-ar. I was too engrossed with my depression that I cannot see the light in things and I became deaf to hear God talking to me so he used Jay-ar to make me realize all that. It is true that when you feel unblessed, try to list or think of all the blessings you have in life. But that, sometimes, is easier said than done. Sometimes, we cannot do it on our own. Sometimes, we need somebody to remind us of these things.

So from being this…

I am now this...

I know that I am only human thus I am not perfect. I still know that some point of my life in the future, I will still feel depressed, sad, down and frustrated again. And I am aware that thinking of all your blessings is not that easy when you feel that you are in the lowest point of your life. But I also know that I can manage. As long as there are people like family and friends and Jay-ar who are always there for me and care for me, I will be okay.

As a matter of fact, having Jay-ar by my side is a whole lot of blessing already. And he’s only one of the many in my blessing list. I also came to realize that God’s plans for me are way, way better than my own plans for myself. I just need to hold on to my faith.

Thank you Lord for my family, relatives, friends, Jay-ar and all your blessings you showered me with. And oh, I am sooo sorry for being a stubborn child.

And now, I am back to the feeling of being sooo thrilled about coming home for Christmas... Weeeeh! God is indeed good... all the time!