Joke Time Muna!!! :]

[Received thru email]

Husband: Luv promise, simula ngayon iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko.
Wife: Wow, thank you luv! Ako naman I promise, ang next nating anak, ikaw na ama!

Nanonood ako ng mga ants na naglalakad sa wall. Kahit busy sila, they still stop and communicate. Sana tayo ring mga tao, we could be more like the ants - naglalakad sa walls!

Dumating yung ngongo sa bahay nila at tinakpan niya ang mata ng misis nya.
Ngongo: Nges oo
Wife: Buwisit `to, `nges oo, nges oo' ka pa diyan, eh ikaw lang naman ang ngongo dito!

Dear GOD, please don't lead me into temptation…I already know the way.

A playboy died. During the mass:
Priest: He's an honest guy, a good husband and a family man!
Wife: (whispered to her son) Anak, tignan mo nga baka di na si papa mo yung nakaburol.

4 job applicants were asked: "What is the fastestthing in the world?"
The German said, "Thought".
The American said, "A blink of an eye".
The Aussie said, "Light".
The Pinoy said, "Diarrhea!"
Pinoy: "Lit mi eksplin. Dis murning, I hab istumak ek, I run to di tuylet but bipor I kud tink, blenk, or eben swits on di lyt, tangna, der was syet en my pants olridi, su past!"

BATA: "Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat nalang ng gawin ko mali! Di nyo na ako mahal!"
AMA: "Nagkakamali ka anak…"
BATA: "Syet, mali nanaman ako!"

Woman with sick baby went to the clinic.
Doctor: "Is he bottlefed?"
Woman: "Breastfed po, doc." (Doctor starts squeezing the woman's nipples)
Doctor: "That's why he's sick, you're not producing milk."
Woman : "Yaya lang ako, doc! YAYA!"

Celebrity quote: "Noodle! Noodle! NOODLE!!!" - Manny Pacquiao on "Deal or No Deal".

DOC: "Hubad na iha, wag kang matakot. I will not take advantage of you, general check-up lang `to."
GIRL: "Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty ko?"
DOC: "Diyan lang sa tabi ng brief ko…"

News Flash: "Snow White, thrown out of Disneyland! She pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinocchio's face and shouted, 'Lie, you bastard, lie!'"

"Sana radyo ka nalang, para pag naririnig kitang kumanta, puwede kitang patayin."

"Beauty is only superfical. It's the character that makes a pers0n who they really are" - motto yan ng mga PANGET!

TITSER: "Who can give an example of a tag question?"
PUPIL: "My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?"
TITSER: "Very good! Itagalog mo nga!"
PUPIL: "Si ma'am ay maganda, hindi naman diba?"

Pinaka common mistake ng isang girl during a job interview ay ang pagsagot ng…
"KAHIT ANUNG POSISYON PO SIR, BASTA MAKAPASOK LANG."

"Tandaan mo anak ang batang sinungaling ay di na tatangkad, uusli ang ipin, liliit ang binti at tutubuan ng malaking nunal sa mukha." - Diosdado Macapagal

"Rooster and cat goes over a bridge. Cat slips and falls in the river. Rooster can't stop laughing. The moral of the
story: wherever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock."


MGA KASABIHAN:

Aanhin mo ang gwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa `yo?

Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare.

Sa hinaba-habanng prosisyon, bading din pala ang magiging karelasyon.

Matalino man ang bading, napeperahan pa rin.

Ang di marun0ng magmahal sa sariling wika, sa callcenter naglipana.

Virginity is neither a sign of purity nor dignity. It's a sign of a lack of opportunity.